Ah, the opening gambit…how does one approach an attractive human of interest and initiate a conversation? Thousands of thousands of suggestions exist on the Internet. Books and likely whole publishing houses base their profits on helping people make that crucial ‘first move.’ And individuals have their favorites – tried and true methods by which they swear.
The quintessential academic discussion of pick up lines was done by Kleinke, Meeker, and Staneski in 1986 – and hasn’t really been challenged since, demonstrating that pick up lines are rarely truly new or original. They used advice books, magazines, and self-reports to categorize pick up lines into three buckets:
1. Direct Approach: An overt statement of interest, sometimes with disclaimers – ‘Hi, my name is Kristen, and I really wanted to meet you,’ or ‘I’m a little embarrassed about this, but I find you attractive and was hoping we could talk.’ By their nature, direct lines open us up to vulnerability – you can’t hide behind humor or pretend it was a mistake.
2. Innocuous Lines: These lines could be seen as a simple social pleasantry or even as truly another question – ‘Could I borrow your pen?’ or ‘How are you.’ With these lines, the initiator doesn’t expose him or herself as much – but does risk that his/her target won’t realize it is REALLY an attempt at more than just a simple answer.
3. Cute/Flippant: Ah, yes – we all know these – humorous, often with a sexual edge, cute lines give the initiator the opportunity to claim s/he wasn’t serious.
And now to the part you care about it – Ok, so which ones WORK? Cunningham (1989) tested the effectiveness of these lines in the field – yes, that means sending people into bars to try and pick up others! Who knew academic research could be such fun?
Anyway, Cunningham discovered a distinct gender difference. Here you go…
When males approached females, females were much more likely to respond positively (in other words, actually have a conversation, perhaps mention some sort of future contact) when the male used a direct (67%) or innocuous (62%) line. Only 19% of women responded positively to a cute/flippant line.
So gentlemen, don’t say her sweater would look good on your floor, or that you want a quarter to call your mother and tell her you met the woman of your dreams. Man up and be direct. If you think about it, 67% is a great response rate with direct lines – if you are smart and approach lots of women, that means LOTS of dates!
Now, what about when women approached men. My female readers, listen up. Women got positive results NO MATTER WHAT they said! 81% of men responded favorably to direct lines; 89% even responded positively to flippant lines; and, most astonishing in any statistical study, 100% of men responded to an innocuous line! What does this mean? Women basically just have to say hi and they are good to go! Now, another article will discuss perceptions of females who initiate dates – but suffice it for now to say go for it.
Granted, there are all kinds of factors that contribute to pick up line success rates. Rowatt (2001) showed that the exact same approach may vary in success based on venue and context. So nothing is guaranteed.
And in today’s electronic world, there are other complexities. Research has just started to assess how date initiation differs online. McKenna (2008) suggests that online relationship facilitation is different because of lack of gating; anonymity; control; etc. However, success rates are still be calculated, although I suspect that directness will still come out on front (and frankly, isn’t all online initiated communication direct?).
But at least now you have a statistical advantage when out and about.
Tags: dating, effective dating, pick up lines, research
Hi, Thank you! I would now go on this blog every day!
Thanks